Me And My Battles
If you ask me what I would like to be in my next birth, i will say ‘Anything But a Soldier’. Wars according to me are evil and is a play enacted by Satan. When i joined the Air force and started training, like all others was thrilled beyond worlds. My first training flight was the most beautiful experience. For the first time i felt like a bird that belonged to the sky. The earth did not exist. I forgot about people and humanity, the only sense that remained with me was the vast sky and the nature beneath. Since then i took to flying like fish to the water. Flying makes me feel free and happy. I must admit that i am more natural and myself when i am in the air. Earth looks beautiful from high up there. As you get closer to the earth, you get to see the blemishes. When you land, your it is like you are coming out of the dream and into a horrible reality of life. I have often wondered if death too is an experience similar to this. Many people who are had near death experience have described similar state of existence of peace, calm and joy.
After my first trip to Iraq and participation in the war, my world both external and internal changed. I was a changed man the first time i saw the destruction, bombing, killing, death, blood and destroyed homes etc. Nothing could have prepared me to face such a horrible scene. My beautiful picture of life was gone, i couldn’t make sense of what was happening to me and around me. The doctors at the base camp of course helped for they were used to such extreme reactions from other soldiers who come into the battle front for the first time. Many people freeze out of shock and need medical help to come out of it. There are those who love fighting and war gives them a sense of thrill and adventure. I guess i am more sensitive a guy and the thought of war makes me revolt.
I haven’t been able to make out as to why countries fight with each other. When it is one sun who gives us the light equally to all without differentiation, when the earth we live in and nature is all one who treats all countries alike, why is it that men find the need to conquer or be conquered. True that the physical resources are not equally distributed amongst all nations. But for everyone to exist peacefully and prosper it is known that only co-operations between the countries can be beneficial to all. If it is the ego of some powerful men who are perpetrating terrorism and wars then i must say that they are being driven by Satan himself.
Life is so beautiful. We get this chance in lifetime to be able to express love and joy every moment. We are fortunate enough to be able to express our love to one and all. When you look at the earth from the sky, you realise that all human beings are the same. There is no difference except for the colour of the skin resulting out of environmental conditions. But then why this hatred and fights amongst nations?.
After my second time duty at the battle front, it was clear to me as well as to my superiors that i was not a soldier material. My superiors felt that they could not get enough out of me as would have been expected out of a young air force pilot. Not that i was lacking in training or skills, but my attitude seemed to be wrong. I was proud of representing my country but hated fighting the war. So when i met with an accident, i was not sorry at all. In fact my accident helped me take transfer out of my battalion to join the air force training school as a flight instructor.
During my stint at the battle front it was not only that i suffered but my family suffered too. My relationship with my wife (we were newly married) became strained. There was no physical intimacy and i happened to suffer from erectile dysfunction. The doctors at the military hospital said that the problem was due to the severity of my emotional distress and anxiety that caused this problem. I had to undergo a lot of counselling sessions and coupled with counselling i was prescribed order Cialis as regular medication that helped me overcome the erectile dysfunction and build back the physical intimacy and save my marriage.
All in all i do not know what to make of my experiences. Nevertheless i have seen life, i have seen death and become a bit more wiser i must say.